i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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