is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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