Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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