I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize