i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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