a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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