Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
pray to the hookup gods
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
