I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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