I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize