OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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