I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We don't watch enough power rangers
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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