I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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