if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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