Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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