god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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