she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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