It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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