Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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