glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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