So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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