I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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