3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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