I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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