just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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