Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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