So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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