dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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