haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize