if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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