OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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