he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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