I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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