I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
worst night to have a conscience
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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