i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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