shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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