is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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