okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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