my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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