so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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