That's intense
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize