...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize