i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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