its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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