i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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