PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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