i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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