i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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