I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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