My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize