I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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