why didn't you poke me back
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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