I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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