When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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